Shed The ‘Shoulds’
I have kept a journal since the year 2000. From the age of 16 to 42, I have charted my journey from the day before I started sixth-form, to meeting my boyfriend, going to uni, marrying said boyfriend, starting my teaching career, having my child and now, leaving teaching to embark on a new career as a full-time (trainee) psychotherapist in Walsall and Birmingham. I have used my journal as a scrapbook, as a chronicle of even the mundane aspects of daily life to endless to-ing and fro-ing about whether to change career. My journal is like Trigger’s broom: the same journal, but over a hundred different notebooks.
Why do I journal? Hmm. I need to think about that. I wanted something to look back on when I’m old. (Actually, I’m already oldER, and have already looked back over the magical early days of finding the person I chose to spend the rest of my life with, I’ve experienced gratitude that I’m no longer in the terrifying and exhausting time of having a newborn and felt sorry for myself as I read about the turmoil of questions around my career). Looking back can serve another function though - to observe the recurring themes and consider whether this is an indication of changes you need to make in your life.
It’s not just about that though. I find it an enjoyable way to pass the time. So much so, in fact, that I have considered the idea of running a journalling club at either my Aldridge therapy room or my Jewellery Quarter space (let me know if you’re interested). If it might seem pointless to write down what you did that day, consider how purposeful it is to scroll through trashy social media content or read for the fifth time today the latest dreadful thing happening in the news. As a woman with ADHD, it’s a way of me resting whilst also being moderately stimulated. It brings an essential pause and a break from the constant ‘on the go’ nature of my brain. Getting back to basics and doing something that requires a gentler, analogue stimulation is also a rebellion against the hijacking of our brains and homes by tech giants.
Lately, I have been sub-dividing my journal entries into ‘things I did today’ and ‘new awarenesses’ (I’m not sure the latter is a real word, actually). When we’re studying Transactional Analysis (TA) psychotherapy, we have to have 40 hours of personal therapy a year for the duration of our training, and it’s easy to wonder whether there will be enough “stuff” to work through. I have been told that there is always something else to discover, which I found hard to believe at first, but now I truly believe that a long-term commitment to psychotherapy means broadening, deepening and sharpening one’s awareness of one’s thoughts, feelings and behaviours, even down to the minutiae. For example, something I have truly become aware of this week is how hungry I am mid-morning after teaching two lessons, to an extent that exceeds how I feel after two client hours. This, along with other evidence I’ve gathered, shows me that teaching leads me to expend far more energy that I am now prepared to give as a mid-life woman who wants to focus on her health and wellbeing and therefore, that changing career is the right choice for me. This awareness helps me if I am ever having doubts about my decision.
I have had a number of counselling and psychotherapy clients tell me that they want to get into journalling but don’t know what they should write. The trouble is, thinking that a ‘should’ even exists is getting in their way. The only ‘should’ with regard to journalling is to do it in a way that benefits you. (And for some people, that means not doing it at all.) Sometimes I do ‘train of thought’ journalling, which is literally writing down whatever comes into my head as soon as it emerges. The finished product doesn’t need to make sense - the point is the process. It’s like talking to someone about all the weird and wacky thoughts you have without needing to worry about being judged or having to reciprocate. You can “talk” for as long as you like and your journal will never get bored. You never have to ask your journal how it is - it’s brilliant!
Another idea is to create a visual of an issue you’d like to tackle. In therapy sessions I will often use a whiteboard for us to put down on paper what is going on for the client. This could be using psychoeducation - using concepts from TA to understand what’s going on - or simply making a pros and cons list. Sometimes we will write a list of all the thoughts the client has in their head in relation to an issue, or create a timeline of their life. Clients tell me that they find the visuals useful and some even take photographs of them to refer to at home. You don’t need to be in therapy to do this though - all you need is your notebook, a pen and a quiet space.
If you do need something to guide you though, I do provide a growing number of journalling exercises on my ‘Free Download’ page, which you can find here: https://counsellingaldridge.co.uk/free-downloads-for-self-help. Of course, AI can also provide journalling prompts. However, I think it’s best when what you journal emerges organically and is not forced. Where my free downloads differ from other types of journalling prompts, though, is that they are designed to facilitate a specific aspect of self-discovery and include the kind of psychoeducation you would get in the room with me. They are not generated at random; they are created to allow individuals unable to access therapy the means by which they can still develop self-awareness.
Interestingly, your process around journalling can also be revealing. Do you feel guilty taking time to yourself? Are you plagued with thoughts of the endless to-do list while you try to write? Can you trust that you won’t be disturbed by the people you live with? Do you feel able to ask them not to disturb you? Is the idea of there being a right way to journal getting in your way? Do you think there is something wrong with you for finding journalling difficult? What meaning do you make of all these questions? See, endless opportunities for self-discovery!
I love carrying my journal around with me to make a note of an awareness when it comes into my head. It is an eternal companion whose very existence reminds me to cultivate my life and not just rush through it on autopilot. Sometimes, however, it’s just pages upon pages of pointless stuff. And that’s okay too, as long as I enjoy it. After all, it’s not for anyone else’s benefit (I have considered requesting in my will that they are not read until 100 years after my death, but haven’t finalised that yet). So, shed the ‘should’ and just get started. And if you want to join Journalling Club, I can’t wait to hear from you!
